The Immortal Troll
by Aianoir
Summary: Harry is the Master of Death, with a twist. Multi crossover, crack-fic, bashing and trolling at every turn. Warning for slash, het and multi, nothing explicit.
1. The First Job

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

 **The Immortal Troll**

The First Job

Harry Potter sat slouched in a high back armchair, opposite the personification of Death. Death, sat in a throne like chair, filling out information on various pieces of paper, parchment and sometimes papyrus, with a hilariously oversized quill. Despite his posture, Harry's face remained perfectly blank while he twiddled his thumbs, lost in thought and waiting for Death to speak up. Death was busy and he never liked to be interrupted.

Harry's thoughts were an ordered swirl of memories and information. He recalled how he ended up here, with Death himself, in the first place. He had just disarmed Voldemort, the darkest Dark Lord in the Wizarding World and all round evil bastard. The Elder Wand landed in Harry's outstretched hand, a thrum of power flowing through him once he caught it. He didn't know it at the time but this thrum of power was of great significance, but he wouldn't find out why until later.

When he caught the wand, he was also in possession of the other two Deathly Hallows, the Resurrection Stone and the Cloak of Invisibility. The moment he caught the wand, he became the Master of Death. He would find this out later. His greatest concern immediately after catching the wand, was defeating Voldemort, as was his destiny.

* * *

Voldemort stared in shock as his nemesis caught the wand. Red , glowing eyes like slits and enraged beyond measure he quickly summoned his original yew wand to his hand and readied himself to cast.

"You die now Harry Potter, Avada Kedavra!"

Harry, with but a second to mull and much to the shock of his friends, allies, the Death Eaters and Voldemort, bellowed out, "Avada Kedavra!"

Voldemort and all other witnesses stared in shock and alarm as the beam of deadly, green light shot from Harry's wand, intercepted and….absorbed?...Voldemort's killing curse before slamming into the Dark Lord's chest. Voldemort let out an unnatural scream and he turned to dust, his wand clattering to the ground.

All present just gaped between the remains of the Dark Lord and Harry, nobody making a sound. Before the light wizards and witches, Harry's friends and the aurors could do anything, a strong gust of wind blew in across the ruin that was the courtyard of Hogwarts. A shimmering, golden glow surrounded Harry and he disappeared. That day, June 1st 1998, would be known as the day the Dark Lord was defeated and the day that the saviour of the wizarding world disappeared.

* * *

Harry was pulled from his memories by the sound of Death clearing his throat. Harry immediately sat up straighter. Like Death, he was wearing all black. Only his head was exposed as he didn't wear a cloak. He wore no glasses, he no longer needed them. He had filled out considerably, standing at a respectable height of six feet. Other than that, Harry appeared the same as he did before becoming the Master of Death. Death's blue eyes met Harry's green.

"You are ready."

It was a statement, a fact.

"Yes," Harry replied.

"Six thousand years of training, are you sure you have mastered everything you wished?"

Harry nodded an affirmative. Death smiled. He had been waiting for Harry to finish his self imposed streak of training and his unique position allowed him to learn from many worlds, many universes.

The best part was, only the time spent in Death's realm, counted towards the time spent in Harry's own world. Only a month had passed since Harry's disappearance, even though just over six thousand have passed for Harry. He was a changed man.

Death fondly remembered when Harry had first landed in his office. He didn't fight, he didn't demand, he didn't break down. He calmly assimilated the knowledge from the combined Deathly Hallows as they were absorbed into his body and then calmly said to Death, "I accept." The information download explained everything to Harry and answered every possible question he could have had, which suited them both down to the ground. It was shortly after first arriving, that Harry traveled to his first universe to train, after getting acquainted with Death. He had just recently returned from his most recent training binge and declared himself ready with his demeanour and body language.

"So, you want your first assignment?" Death asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Yes," said Harry, "Who am I going after?"

Death smiled a sinister smile and handed Harry a folder that materialized out of thin air. Harry accepted the folder and swept from the room. Death smiled wistfully at Harry's retreating form before getting back to work. Being Death was hard work don't you know.

* * *

Harry strode through the maze of corridors that was Death's main realm. Within moments he had arrived at his own chambers, rooms that Death set aside for him. Harry read through the file he had and smirked to himself. The first job was a simple retrieval. Harry had learned many things over the past six thousand years and, first and foremost, was that he was now essentially an immortal being with the powers of a god, specifically death, yet he was subject to none of the rules and universal laws. He had what many dark lords longed for. Unlimited power.

Harry was tasked with finding and killing Nicholas Flamel and his wife, who were becoming a problem for Death, in his home universe. Apparently the philosophers stone from his first year at Hogwarts was a fake and that old Nicholas and Perenelle were very much alive. They gained Death's attention by creating a second stone and stockpiling a vast amount of the elixir of life. Death didn't know what they had planned but he wanted them stopped and brought in for questioning.

This was where Harry came in. He has the power, skills and the authority to interfere and retrieve the Flamels.

* * *

Harry teleported himself via his death powers to his private hanger. Before him stood his ship, a little gift to himself. Outwardly, it appeared to be a stock YT-1300 light freighter, from the Star Wars universe, one of the many universes he visited and trained in. A closer inspection would have showed that looks can be deceiving.

First, was the missing sensor dish. Second, were the large dome shaped, twin barreled laser turrets in place of the original quad laser turrets. Third, was the hull. It looked deceptively smooth and was a dull grey colour. Unless you actually entered the ship, those were the only clues to there being something different about this ship.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Inside, one would find a vast mix of technologies from various universes that would leave a pilot from the star wars universe stumped as to how to fly the damn thing. Harry was quite proud of his achievement, it had taken him six months to build the damn thing.

Harry had found the YT model freighter abandoned and adrift near Nar Shaddaa. He fell in love with it's quirks and immediately stored it in a pocket universe of his own creation. When he got around to fixing up and outfitting the ship, he had used his collective knowledge and skills he had gained from various universes, thanks to the eidetic memory he gained from becoming the MoD. His primary source of information was from the Ancient Repository of Knowledge from the Stargate universe. Being god-like meant he could survive having that knowledge downloaded into his brain. The downside was that he spent a month being able to speak nothing but ancient, much to Death's amusement.

His first step was to gut the entire vessel, remove all the technology, until he had nothing but the basic hull, not that there was much of the original technology left. He then used his death powers to transfigure the material of the hull into something much more advanced, a trinium, naquadah, neutronium alloy. He added two new power sources, two sphere like devices that collected and used the abundant base energy of the multi-verse, or as the jedi and sith would call it, the force. The second power source was a socket for a ZPM, a zero point module. Harry wanted the vessel to be very powerful. He went a tad overboard.

The main computer was a hybrid Ancient, Asgard, Federation based design and the computer core was built compact using crystal technology. The AI was second to none, based off an Asgard design.

For FTL travel, Harry added a compact, Ancient based, intergalactic hyperdrive. He also managed to make the ship warp capable, for traveling short distances within a solar system, with a top speed of warp 9.9995. The warp engines were integrated with the new sublight engines.

For sub-light and atmospheric travel, Harry used a hybrid Ancient, Federation design. The ship had superb handling and speed, being able to achieve 0.9c and able to turn rapidly, all thanks to the Ancient inertia dampeners.

For the controls, Harry stripped the cockpit of its analogue systems and installed an ancient neural interface with a twist. It had better physical control elements and a few extra buttons here and there for redundancy. He even installed a full DHD, so he can dial stargates from his ship or use it to plot a course.

For shields, he used a design based off the city shield used on an Ancient city ship. Fully powered, he could take a direct hit from the Death Star and only lose a few percent of shield strength. He also had an Ancient cloaking device installed but this rendered the shields useless.

For weapons he had a lot of choices, from various universes. In the end, he replaced the original laser cannon turrets with his own design. They can be operated either from the cockpit or a separate control station within the ship. The laser cannons were primarily designed for point defense, anti-fighter and anti-personnel duties, and were heavily based off standard laser weapon technology in the Star Wars universe.

Next, he had a multi-warhead launcher design, two at the bow of the ship at either side of the recessed cargo access, that can fire proton, photon, quantum torpedoes, *borg photonic missiles and various Earth based ordinance.

Next, he had two drone weapon launchers, one dorsal and one ventral, within the 'mandibles' of the ship.

Lastly, the ship's hull had a few phaser emitters scattered around its surface, giving full phaser coverage. Harry decided that that was all the weapons he needed. Some would say that it was overkill.

Those were the main areas of technology that he added to the ship. He had also added Asgard transporters, matter replicators so he can restock the ship's weapons on the fly and an emergency medical hologram, just incase. He also added various amenities, from various universes, to make the ship livable. He even converted one of the cargo bays into his own personal armory, where he stored weapons and other various pieces of technology that he had collected over the millennia.

He even used a little of his native magic on the ship, mainly for storage, with the storage areas acting like the bottomless moleskin pouch Hermione used during the hunt for the Horcruxes. Harry could have civilizations worth of junk stored within the ship and he would still have room for more.

Harry stood staring at his pride and joy, his ship, for a few minutes before boarding. He settled at the controls before expertly piloting the ship out of the hanger. Once clear, he transported the whole thing from Death's realm to his home universe, in high orbit of the Earth. He set the ship to run scans of the planet while he went to get ready for his mission.

* * *

Harry, dressed in full black body armour (that was vaguely reminiscent of the armour used by the inquisitors during the jedi purges), stood within the treeline of a forest, overlooking the grounds of a chateau, a few miles outside of Paris. He was heavily armed, two westar-34 blaster pistols hung by his thighs in holsters from his hips, a collapsible saberstaff hung from his belt by his right hip, two paired lightsabers were hung from his forearms, a type 2 phaser was holstered on his left hip and a staff weapon was strapped to his back. At his feet a DC 15 laser rifle was set up and ready to use. He also had various explosive devices on his person and at least ten daggers of various make and manufacture.

He was a powerful being in his own right but he did not want to attract the attention of the locals with a powerful display of magic by levelling the chateau before him. Discretion was the better part of valour after all. He peered through his binoculars, observing everything going on within the manor house. He could sense the Flamels within, he just had to wait for the opportune moment to strike.

The trees cast a long shadow in the early morning sun, perfectly concealing Harry from view. A half hour passed by before there was movement on the property. An elderly looking couple, looks can be deceiving eh, emerged from the manor and headed towards the patio verandah. Harry could not believe how easy they were making it for him. Then again, they probably assumed that no one could possibly see through their extensive wards.

Their arrogance amazed Harry, they assumed the wards would conceal them so well that they neglected to put up shielding wards. Once Death has them, Harry would berate them on the error of their ways, he did not like unprofessional work, especially from such powerful magicals such as they.

The Flamels sat on a lounge chair together, completely unaware as to what was about to happen. Harry lined up the shots. The beauty of his modified DC 15 rifle, was that he could fire two shots as if they had been fired at the same time. He lined up his targets, took a breath and fired. The wizards hadn't a hope. Two clean and accurate head shots later and both slumped in their places.

Harry gathered up his rifle and made his merry way onto the chateau grounds.

He made sure to vapourize the Flamels bodies, he couldn't have them reviving on him. A reaper arrived and dragged the two protesting souls away to Death's realm. Harry smiled and made his way into the manor. It was time for him to 'confiscate', yeah that's it, confiscate, not loot, the Flamels stuff. He quickly found and destroyed the philosopher stones and the stored elixir of life. He also destroyed any and all research relating to the stones. He couldn't have another trying to cheat death after all.

Once he had looted….ah, confiscated everything and the manor was bare, he quickly set up a few naquadah enhanced thermal detonators. No point leaving this place lying around.

One very satisfying explosion later, Harry sat smirking before Death. Death just snorted before passing Harry a stack of folders to keep him occupied, Death loved Harry's sense of humour.

* * *

 **A/N: Well that was that, this series will run alongside A God Among Us? But AGAU? will take precedence. This story is technically a crack fic and not meant to be taken seriously. It will also be a multi crossover and there will be a lot of bashing and trolling by Harry. I hope you enjoyed it.**


	2. Harry's Adventure

Harry's Adventures

Yoda, Grand Master of the Jedi Order, sat in silent contemplation while his companions spoke amongst themselves. He was seated in the Chancellor's office, discussing the latest reports from the battle in the Outer Rim. The CIS had been making strides recently after they captured Christophsis. Present with Master Yoda, were Masters' Windu, Fisto, Tii, Kenobi, Knight Skywalker and Padawan Tano, the Chancellor, Senators Organa and Amidala. Fisto was busy presenting the results of his findings on Saleucami, apparently the CIS was planning on using the world as a military base.

Chancellor Palpatine rose to speak, "Master Jedi, the news you bring is troubling. If the Separatists can.."

He never got to finish, as the lights in the office dimmed suddenly before returning to normal. A cold chill caused all present to shiver. A sense of foreboding passed through the room but soon the jedi calmed as the force itself called out to them, willing them to remain passive.

Suddenly, to the far right of the Chancellor's desk, near the bay window, a black vortex appeared depositing two individuals. The two new beings stood perfectly still, both observing the room and those present without moving an inch. Yoda observed both.

The taller of the two wore a full body black cloak, obscuring a view of it's face. It carried a tall staff with a large curved blade protruding from the top. The second figure, a boy, no a man, stood at six feet tall. He wore a black, hoodless cloak that obscured his body from view. Only his head was visible, a mop of messy black hair, pale face and a pair of the most striking green eyes Yoda had ever seen.

Yoda looked into the piercing green eyes and for a moment glimpsed a being of great power and knowledge. Yoda also noticed that both beings appeared vastly different in the force. The taller figure appeared to exist without the force, he was absent of all force energy. The second figure, was like a blinding beacon within the force. Yoda surmised that he must be the most powerful force user to ever exist, perhaps even an embodiment of the force itself.

Nobody had spoken a word, they just stared at the two newcomers. Both beings looked at each other, having a silent conversation, before the green eyed man strode forward towards the Palpatine. He spoke with a voice laced with raw power.

"Sheev Palpatine. You have been found guilty of attempting to obtain illegal immortality. You are to be taken to be judged by Death. What say you!"

Palpatine said nothing but Yoda could see the hint of anger within his eyes. The green eyed man approached closer, backing the Chancellor against his desk. Kenobi, Skywalker and Organa seemed to snap out of their trance and immediately began demanding answers, to which the figure just raised his leather clad hand, silencing them. The man's face changed from stony to delighted within an instant.

"A sith lord!" he exclaimed, much to Palpatine's rage, "I never thought I'd face one of your kind again."

Yoda and the jedi present were shocked. The being gestured with his left hand and suddenly, the darkside presence that was clouding their vision lifted. They turned towards Palpatine and gasped the the strength of the force he contained. Yoda knew in that moment that this was the Sith master they were looking for. The green eyed man continued, apparently oblivious to the gasps of the jedi.

"Hmmm, yes. Darth Sidious, that is your title dark one. Tell me, do you fear Death!"

Sidious's face contorted in rage and he left loose a blast of force lightning.

'Damn this impertinent. Centuries of planning ruined.'

To the shock of the jedi, to Yoda's gained respect and Sidious's fury, the green eyed man absorbed the lightning as casually as one would wait for a hover tram.

"Impressive Darth but not good enough. The Sith of old would laugh themselves silly at your lack of knowledge."

Sidious roared in rage, summoning his lightsaber and slashing out at his opponent. To the jedi's surprise and awe, the man used a silver bladed saber to parry and block every strike with the casual ease of a veteran swordsman. He didn't even appear to move, his blade was were it needed to be faster than anyone could track.

The impromptu duel lasted seconds. The green eyed man, with a flourish, had Sidious disarmed. He then signaled for his companion.

"Take him."

Sidious screamed as he was dragged through a black vortex by the hooded figure. The green eyed man then regarded those present in the room. All but Yoda and Windu were staring in shock and/or awe. He raised an amused eyebrow at them.

The man approached the now standing jedi and senators. He eyed Kenobi and Skywalker before stating to both, "Well hello there handsome!"

He then turned to Senator Amidala, kissed the back of her knuckles and winked, "And hello there beautiful."

While Kenobi, Skywalker and Amidala blushed to various degrees, he observed the others then just hummed to himself. He then turned about on his heel, about to walk through a new black vortex, when Ashoka Tano spoke up.

"Wait," the man stopped and turned to regard her, "who are you?"

The man raised an eyebrow before simply stating, "Harry."

It would be later that day when Master Yoda would encounter the man again, albeit a record of him. Yoda was shocked to find the man mentioned in the jedi archives.

"A jedi he was," Yoda said to the council, to their shock, "Grandmaster Hadrian Potter, he was."

The council were in awe, Grandmaster Hadrian Potter was a most renowned master from the Mandalorian Wars and Jedi Civil War. He apparently fought Revan to a standstill and was the only individual to defeat him in single combat.

* * *

The Ancient scientist Janus stood before the high council of Atlantis. He had just excitedly presented his time travelling device and theories behind time travel to the high council, hoping they would use it to help defeat the Wraith. He deflated however, at the disappointed look Moros gave him. Before he could be properly chastised though, a new voice spoke up.

"Janus, Janus, Janus."

The new voice belonged to a man, who appeared to be around twenty years old, dressed all in black, with the brightest green eyes Janus had ever seen. He looked mildly annoyed yet amused by the situation. The high council were busy gaping at the newcomer.

"Who are you? You are not a Lantean!" Moros stated.

The newcomer laughed, "No, I'm not."

Green eyes turned to bore into Janus, "One should not meddle with time Janus."

Moros seemed put out at being so easily dismissed by the young man, Ganos tried to stifle her giggles at the look on Moros's face. The green eyed man, smiled warmly at her, before boring his eyes back into Janus. Janus flinched at the look on the man's face.

"You have been a very bad boy Janus. Meddling with time causes premature deaths. Death does not like premature deaths."

Janus both paled and blushed at the implications of that statement. The rest of the high council appeared somber at the thought of death. Ganos though, picked up on something the stranger said.

"What or whom do you mean by Death?"

The stranger smiled brightly at her, causing a faint blush to appear.

"I, off course, mean Death. As in, 'your time has come' Death. Death, the personification."

The high council seemed to pale and nod at the explaination.

"Now Janus," Janus looked at the man, "You are to forget about your time travel technology, dismantle the device and forget all about changing the past or future."

Janus, pale as a ghost nodded quickly.

"And if you fail to do so...I get to come back and punish you, you naughty boy!"

The stranger left at that, through a black vortex, leaving a blushing Janus at the implication of the green eyed strangers last statement. Janus quickly dismantled his time travel device, while enduring the teasing from Ganos and Moros. The lantean of Atlantis had all felt the power coming from the individual and had no doubt that he would carry out his threat. They accepted the fact that he did not even give his name, as they suspected that they were not meant to know.

* * *

Harry sat at the controls of his ship. A borg cube had just dropped out of transwarp in front of him.

"We are the Borg! You will be assimilated! Resistance is Futile!"

Harry smirked as the cube tried but failed to lock a tractor beam on his ship. He charged his weapons and opened fire with the phasers. Seconds later, he had gouged out a smiley face on all six faces of the cube and the borg had practically given up on trying to regenerate the damage or assimilate his ship.

The cube was busy firing off powerful plasma torpedoes which failed to even dent his shields. Harry laughed to himself. Harry began to fly circles around the cube and it stayed this way for several minutes.

Ten minute later, a federation starship U.S.S. Voyager dropped out of warp within a hundred kilometers of the one sided battle. Man could the Borg be persistent or what, Harry thought.

On the bridge of Voyager, Captain Janeway and her crew stared at the scene with shock, as the small vessel, only thirty five metres in length, circled the cube and took hits that should have vapourized said ship in seconds. Tom Paris burst out laughing and Seven of Nine raised a eyebrow at the smiley faces etched into the sides of the cube. Janeway was just about to give out orders when a chuckling Q appeared on the bridge.

"Q! Is this your doing?" asked Janeway.

"Kathryn, so good to see you. Alas, this little bit of entertainment is not my doing. He has the most refreshing sense of humor I have encountered though," Q stated jovially.

"Of whom do you speak?" asked Tuvok

Q smiled an insufferable smile, "Why Mr Tuvok, I am not permitted to give that information. Perhaps you should ask him yourself." Q blinked out of view.

"Harry, hail that ship," Janeway spoke calmly.

"Captain, Borg cube is targeting us!" stated Tuvok.

Before Janeway could issue any commands, the smaller vessel unleashed a powerful phaser blast, vapourizing the borg cube. The crew of Voyager stared in shock and awe.

"Hail him," said Janeway.

Instead of appearing on the viewscreen as expected, Harry appeared as a hologram on the bridge. He smiled at the crew that were present. Janeway smiled back and introduced herself.

"I am Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation starship Voyager. To whom am I speaking?"

Harry smiled, "I am Harry."

Janeway frowned, Tom and Chakotay chuckled, Tuvok raised an eyebrow while Seven just stared at him. Harry continued to smile, eyes full of mirth. Before anything further could be said, alarms began to beep and Tuvok stated stoically, "Captain, six borg cubes on an intercept course!"

"Red Alert!" Janeway shouted.

Harry stated with a melodramatic flair, "Oh no! Six cubes! Whatever shall I do!" before his hologram disappeared.

Janeway stared incredulously at where Harry had stood. She watched as his vessel moved to intercept the borg cubes. Just as the cubes emerged from warp, Harry's ship opened fire. Green torpedoes and phaser blasts shot from his ship. The battle lasted a total of fifteen seconds. All borg ships were destroyed. The Voyager crew were gaping again.

Before they could do anything, Harry's ship came about and entered warp.

"Tom follow him," Janeway commanded.

"He is at warp 8, captain," Tom stated.

Janeway shared a look with her crew, they wished to know more about this Harry.

"Match his speed."

Voyager launched into warp, soon matching Harry's speed.

"Captain, he is increasing speed! Warp 9!" gasped Tom.

No vessel that size has ever travelled at these speeds.

"Get within range Tom!" ordered Janeway.

"Captain, I am unable to scan the interior of his ship but he appears to have access to an immense power source. Power use is off the charts," stated Seven.

"Captain, he is at warp 9.9!"

"9.95!"

"Intercept at maximum warp Tom!"

"Captain, he has gone to warp 9.99!"

"9.999!"

"Warp 9.9995 captain, he is beyond visual range."

"Captain, he has dropped out of warp," stated Harry (Kim)

"Follow him!" was the order.

Voyager dropped out of warp, Harry's vessel was facing them. They were in orbit of an uninhabited M class planet. Harry appeared as a hologram before Janeway, causing her to jump.

"Any reason as to why you are following me captain?" Harry stated calmly, an eyebrow raised.

It was Seven who answered, "We wish to know how you defeated the borg so easily!"

Harry stared intensely at Seven, before huffing in amusement.

"Straight to the point I see. I respect that."

Harry mulled over what to say but opted to not say anything, he wanted them to crack first.

Ten minutes passed before Janeway sighed, "Look, you have a means to destroy the borg. We wish to trade for this technology, the borg are a very great threat and we have a long ways to go."

Harry was thoughtful for a moment, "It wasn't your choice to come to this quadrant, was it captain?"

Harry's eyes pierced Janeway's. She shivered under his scrutiny. She answered.

"No, we were stranded here, through my own decisions."

Harry looked at her, then nodded.

"I'm afraid I cannot give you anything, your Prime Directive applies in this case," Janeway's shoulders slumped slightly, "But I can do this.."

His hologram disappeared and before Janeway or any of the crew could react, Harry had Voyager in a tractor beam. Alarms began to beep and Seven said aloud.

"Captain, a subspace window is opening in front of Harry's vessel, he is heading straight for it."

"Hail him!"

"No response."

Suddenly, Harry's ship and Voyager shot into the hyperspace window. Voyager's sensors could not make heads nor tails of the readings but recorded everything they could. The ship rocked as the inertia dampeners attempted to compensate for the gravitational turbulence. The lights flickered and people were thrown to the deck. Before Janeway could react, it was all over, the blue tunnel they were travelling through was gone replaced by a star field.

"Captain, we are back in real space," Tom reported.

"Captain, sensors recorded a lot of data on what happened, they could not however identify what just happened," stated Seven.

Janeway looked back towards the viewscreen and watched as Harry's ship disengaged the tractor beam and came about. His hologram appeared.

"That was fun, wasn't it?" he stated jovially, "this is my gift to you captain, use it wisely."

Harry's hologram disappeared, soon followed by his ship. A cloaking device Janeway thought.

"Captain, I have just plotted our position," said Tom turning to face her, "We are over six thousand light years from our previous position, six thousand light years closer to home!"

Janeway gaped, he couldn't give them technology but he could give them a means to get home faster.

"Captain, we are beyond the range of borg space." stated Seven.

Suddenly, there was a flash of light, revealing Q and Harry, in the flesh. Harry smiled at Janeway before saying, "Consider this, seeing as it is December 25th 2375, a Christmas present Captain." Harry waved a hand and a small, four foot tall metal cylinder appeared, " If you can get the information out of this, little puzzle, then you are responsible enough to use said knowledge wisely."

Harry turned, to face Q and then smirked at the entity. Q just grinned back.

"And captain, I would check out that nearby station, it may prove...entertaining."

Harry disappeared in a black vortex while Q saluted Janeway and blinked away.

"Seven take that cylinder to science lab 3 for analysis. Harry, scan that station."

Harry did as he was told and then blushed furiously, Janeway raised an eyebrow at him, "Ensign?"

"Eh...um...eh"

Janeway nudged him out of the way and put his scans on screen. The station turned out to be a brothel. Janeway never looked more murderous.


	3. Harry's Universe

Harry's Universe (otherwise known as Harry's attempt at fixing a God's fuck up)

Harry scowled, staring at Death in complete and utter disbelief and bewilderment. Death just shook his head in amusement and sighed in exasperation. Harry glared at the offending piece of documentation, a class ten Snape Death Glare, in the hopes that the document and problem would be vapourized. Alas, the papers of the document just shuffled in a non-existent wind, remaining perfectly intact. Harry sighed in resignation.

"How?," he pleaded, "just how? How did he fuck up this badly?"

Death gave Harry a small smile and a shrug.

"I have no idea Harry. I really don't."

Harry placed his head in his hands and gave a long drawn out sigh.

"So the others want me to fix his mistake?"

Death nodded, "Yes."

For those of you who are lost, Death and Harry are busy discussing a new and immediate problem. A minor god, whose name is of no consequence, was in charge of directing the future and outcome of a universe that was practically identical to Harry's original universe. Everything was going as planned but then, around the middle of the 19th century, the minor god got lazy and fucked the entire universe up so badly that now Harry has to be sent in to mitigate the damage.

Now, fixing a universe is not as easy as hitting reboot. If it were, one of the higher gods would have done so, maybe even Fate or Time would have done it. No. Fixing a universe is not easy. Especially considering the length of time, one hundred fifty years or there about, that had been allowed to elapse since the problem began, before the minor god got off his ass and asked for help. Now Harry was going to be sent to a random time frame, to fix everything. He hopes and prays that there is indoor plumbing at least.

"You will have free rein in what you can do, as long as you get the required outcome," Death's smooth voice pulled Harry from his internal rant at the ineptitude of some divine beings.

Harry perked up

"So I can do whatever I want?" his voice was hopeful.

"Yes," was the curt reply.

Harry fistbumped, "YES!", much to Deaths amusement.

"You will need these Harry," Death spoke before a giddy Harry could run off and cause universal mischief.

Death handed Harry a box filled with various documents and folders. Harry sighed in exasperation, he supposed he should really read up on the universe before heading in blindly. Harry gave Death a flirtatious smirk before bounding from Death's office. Death sighed in exasperation, shaking his head after an aborted eye roll, but with a small smile gracing his features. He looked down at his bundle of paperwork and sighed, back to work. Belatedly, he realised that he was sighing a lot lately. He puzzled over this while filling out the papers before him.

* * *

 _Harry's Universe (ex Universe 75943-21delta)_

Harry looked out at Earth from the cockpit of his ship. The ship was sitting in a geosynchronous above London, England, specifically above Surrey. When he arrived in his, it was _his_ now, universe he quickly scanned the planet to find out _when_ he arrived. Imagine his surprise when he found out the date.

July 31st 1993

The Harry of this universe would be thirteen today.

Harry of course, had memorised all the pertinent information on this universe. To say he was shocked at the differences between his own, would be the understatement of the millenia.

Firstly, his dear relatives were far more intolerant of magic, leading to his double, being heavily abused. Secondly, the Albus Dumbledore of this universe was completely and utterly bonkers, being completely detached from reality. Thirdly, the Sirius Black of this universe was truly guilty and a Death Eater, Wormtail being innocent. That was just the differences in the wizarding world.

Those were the first three things that stopped him flat. He needed to act on this information and quickly before changing anything else.

First things first, he was going to pay his _dear_ relatives a visit and rescue his younger self.

"Hmmm...I wonder should I go for flash or intimidation…... intimidation it is," he muttered under his breath.

Harry swept from the cockpit and made his way to change into the most intimidating outfit he had.

* * *

 _Privet Drive, Surrey, London 18:36 Local Time_

If the residents of Privet Drive were in any way as good at observation as they were a gossiping, then they would have noticed the bright flash of light in the centre of the street, that materialized a figure, clad in all black with a sweeping black cloak, observing the area. From beneath a shadowed hood, two glowing green eyes peered out at a sight the figure wished he would never have had to see again. Harry gave an inaudible sigh and quickly strode towards number four, his cloak billowing out behind him, revealing the all black robes and metallic armour beneath.

He hasn't worn this outfit in years, centuries even, from his point of view. These were the robes he wore when he was a Dark Lord of the Sith. Darth Trax (don't ask) was a long forgotten dark lord, despite having a tomb on Korriban, a tomb that has never been discovered. He was legend amongst the sith.. Belatedly he realized that perhaps the Darth Sidious he had 'detained', had recognised him. Harry shrugged his shoulders and shook his head of those thoughts, he needed to concentrate on the here and now.

Harry passed through the wards around number four without batting an eyelid. A blood ward did not exist around the property, most likely due to the lack of any affection between his double and his relatives or because of this universe's Dumbledore's ineptness. He swept up the drive towards the door and knocked three times with a resounding boom. Muffled conversation reached his ears from within the house, surprisingly louder than the blaring television volume. He kept his expression neutral, despite the fact that no one could see his face, when the door opened to reveal a woman with definite horse like features.

The sneer on her face faltered when she took in his all black, robed form and glowing green eyes. She seemed to have an internal debate before plastering a cold look on her face and stating.

"What do you freaks want?"

Harry glared her into the ground, glowing eyes intensifying, before he spoke.

"Mrs. Dursley, I presume?" his voice deepened by a nifty charm he invented to alter the voice flawlessly.

She gave a shaky nod, "You presume correctly, what do you want?"

Not that she could see but he raised an eyebrow at her demand. Before he could answer, a booming voice he never wished to hear again, resounded from the living room.

"Who is at the door Pet? Tell them we don't want to buy anything?"

Before Petunia could utter a word, Harry spoke up.

"I am here for Harry Potter, show me to him," he barked out, his voice booming through the house.

Petunia jumped and showed him in without a sound or protest. Mind tricks worked so well against the feeble minded. He followed her into the living room, where he saw Vernon Dursley in all his walrus glory and Dudley, the baby whale. If anything they were fatter in this universe. Before any of the Dursleys could say anything Harry spoke up without thinking.

"My god, you have gotten fat!"

Vernon started to go a fine shade of puce and Petunia sputtered in shock. Dudley, of course, had a vacant look about his face, having no idea what was going on.

"You dare come in here freak and insult us no less. Your kind…"

Vernon didn't get to finish as Harry silenced him with a thought. Vernon made the mistake of jumping to his feet, a feat that Harry believes should be a category in the olympics given Vernon's size, and charged Harry. With a gesture, Vernon was slammed back into the couch, still silenced and stuck in place with a charm. Petunia screamed but was soon silenced and stuck to her spot by the door. Dudley was also stuck fast and silenced. Harry smirked victoriously and gave the room a once over. He had placed silencing charms over the house, no one will hear anything that takes place within.

Now it was time to find his double, the Harry of this universe. He swept from the room and made his way up the stairs. No doubt his double had heard the commotion and will be ready to hex first and ask questions later. This shall be amusing.

Reaching the same door that once trapped himself within the dreaded room, Harry halted and reached out with his senses. His double appeared to be prone on the bed within. He frowned at this. Quick as a flash, a crimson blade of plasma cut the door to pieces and Harry strode into the room. What he found within had even he, with the control gained by time and experience, sick up a little and want to brutally torture the Dursleys, which is what he plans to do now.

His double was strapped to his bed by his hands and feet, prone on his belly. He was naked apart from the blood stained cotton shorts he wore. The pale flesh of his back, shoulders, calves and thighs, was crisscrossed with raw red cuts, lacerations and welts. Everywhere else was black and blue from bruises on bruises. The cuts appeared infected too, which was confirmed by the trembling of his double's body and the sheen of sweat. His double was unconscious. Green eyes glowed furiously, bathing the room with a green glow before he could calm his anger.

He breathed in deeply and sighed it back out, calming himself. He immediately began running diagnostic charms to find out the state of his double's health. Five minutes later, he had his answers. Apart from the cuts and bruises, most of his bones were broken or fractured, he had internal bleeding which would soon cause trouble, an infection had set in from the open wounds and let's not forget about the starvation and dehydration. He was so malnourished that his bones were brittle and if he ever did manage to live past these injuries without intervention of a magical kind, he would be lucky to see his thirtieth birthday, his organs were too weak from malnutrition to last.

Harry immediately began to cast an array of healing spells and summoned potions and medicines from a pocket reality he used for bulk storage. He injected bacta and various healing agents into his double, to fight the infection and began to cast complex spells that would heal and align the broken bones. Harry contemplated giving his double a dose of an elixir of life but thought against that.

An hour later, he had his double in a healing sleep, the physical injuries fully healed and the infection eliminated but he could say nothing about the boy's mental health. Now he was pumping nutrient potions into his double's system. These particular potions would not be invented for another century or so, they not only fixed the problem of malnutrition but also accelerated growth to bring a malnourished individual up to their proper weight and height. In another hour, his double will be healthier than he ever was at that age, taller too.

He left his double to heal and made his way downstairs, rage boiling just beneath the surface. He entered the living room to find a purple faced Vernon, a pale Petunia and a confused Dudley. They stilled all movement when they noticed his return, flinching under the green glow of his eyes. Harry altered the charm on his hood, to reveal his mouth. He gave the Dursleys a malicious smirk, which promised pain and retribution. Harry sealed off the room and soon the screaming began but only he could hear it.

An hour later saw him sitting at the bedside of his younger self. He had enjoyed torturing Vernon and Petunia to death. Vernon, he flayed alive, Petunia earned several rounds of force lightning while he just snapped Dudley's neck, he will never lower himself to torture a child. A simple request to Death and the trio's souls will have one hell of a painful afterlife. He was pulled from his thoughts by his younger self coming too. Dull green eyes fluttered open, staring blankly at the ceiling, brow furrowed with a frown. A hand groped for a pair of glasses, which Harry promptly handed over startling his double. Trembling hands tried to shift a shaking body away from Harry, eyes darting around the room in fear but also glancing at Harry's still form.

"I mean you no harm," Harry's soft voice flooded the room, he had removed the voice altering charm so as not to startle his double.

"Who..?" his younger self croaked out.

Harry turned towards the bedside table and picked up a phial containing a sky blue potion. He handed it to his younger self.

"Here, this will clear your throat and prevent any potential headache."

His younger self gave him a wary look but swallowed the potion, shock marring his features at the fruity taste of the potion.

"Why doesn't it taste like crap?" his younger self said in disbelief, earning a chuckle from Harry.

"I assume you are used to potions made by Snape?" at the affirmative nod he continued, "He purposely creates his potions so that they taste awful. A sort of petty revenge against all the students at Hogwarts."

His younger self frowned, shifting into a sitting position.

"Who are you? What are you doing here? How do you know Snape? And about Hogwarts?..."

Harry chuckled at the array of questions, earning a petulant glare from his younger self, which only made him laugh outright. Finally getting himself under control, he answered.

"Those are some very good questions. Whether or not you will be able to handle the answers is another question," he raised a hand to stop his younger self from protesting, "Perhaps showing you will lend some credibility to the answer to them."

With that, Harry lowered his hood, revealing his twenty five year old self. This earned a gasp from his younger self. Harry smiled at him.

"Yes, Harry. I am you, or are you me. That's a mind fuck right there," Harry mused, scratching his chin with a gloved hand, "Specifically, I am you from another universe. Let's say that I got lucky and ended up being given 'godhood' in a sense. Now, because the previous minor god, whose name I didn't care to remember, who managed this universe, fucked up big time. I was given the task of fixing his mistakes. So here I am."

His younger self just stared at him, mouth open. Harry snickered before closing his younger self's mouth for him. His younger self gave him an incredulous stare.

"You cannot be serious!"

"No, that was my godfather!" Harry said in all seriousness, earning a glare from his younger self.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes before the younger Harry spoke up, collapsing back onto the bed in exhaustion.

"So.. what are you going to do now?"

Harry hummed to himself, "Well first, we are going to sort out this name issue. We both cannot go by Harry or Potter. Seeing as this is your universe, it makes sense for myself to go by a different name. So….call me Trax, Hadrian Trax. Darth Hadrian Trax."

Hadrian gave a small bow, earning a laugh from Harry, but he frowned at the title though.

"Why are you called Darth? Star Wars is just a movie!"

Hadrian chuckled, "That was my reaction, until a guy with a lightsaber tried to, unsuccessfully, skewer me."

Harry's eyes were wide, "Star Wars is real!" he all but shouted.

"In a different universe, yes," was Hadrian's amused reply, "As for what we are going to do now. I intend to adopt you, I even have all the correct papers signed for both the muggle and wizard world."

Harry's eyes were wide, his voice small, "Really?.."

The hope that shone in Harry's eyes caused Hadrian's heart to tug. It was the same in every universe he went to were that universes Harry was badly abused, if he offered to adopt, they accepted outright. He never had it in him to back out or say no.

"Yes, get packed. We will be heading out soon," Hadrian said as he stood.

"What about the Dursleys?" Harry's voice was low.

Hadrian smiled innocently at him, "Unfortunately, they met an untimely demise. Fortunately, they signed the adoption papers beforehand. It is official."

Harry crossed his arms, "What did you do?"

"Me?" Hadrian innocently.

Harry glared.

"You don't want to know!" Hadrian said plainly.

Harry gave Hadrian a wary glance before getting up to start packing. Hadrian left the room to head downstairs. The living room looked as if nothing had happened. Hadrian strode to the centre of the room before sending off copies of the adoption papers to the correct authorities via his death powers. They would be filed by tomorrow morning. Hadrian strode to the cupboard under the stairs, opening it to remove Harry's magical belongings, his trunk and whatnot. Floating them up the stairs, he wondered where Hedwig was, he didn't see her cage in Harry's room.

Entering Harry's room, he noticed the boy had his belongings stacked on the bed, there wasn't much but he began piling the stuff into Harry's trunk. The boy just gaped at the wandless magic. With everything packed in the trunk, he shrunk it to the size of a matchbox before handing it to Harry.

"There you go, ready to leave?"

Harry nodded, before looking down in shock when he felt magic flow over his body. The hand me downs he wore, were shrunk to fit his body perfectly and repaired to the point that they appeared brand new. He gazed up at Hadrian. Hadrian placed his hand on Harry's shoulder ignoring the slight flinch the action brought.

"You will never have to wear ill fitting clothes again Harry. You will never want for anything."

Harry followed Hadrian out of the house that had been hell for the past twelve years, still slightly in shock. Hadrian stood in the centre of the street, Harry stood beside him.

"I think we will fix your eyesight first," Hadrian mused, sending a mental signal to his ship to beam them out.

"Ready?" Hadrian asked.

"Ready."

A bright flash of light signaled Hadrian and Harry's departure from Privet Drive. A small device, left behind by Hadrian, would go off early the next morning and burn number four to the ground.

* * *

The month of August passed by without any major incident. Harry was shocked at the level of care he got from Hadrian. They lived at a mansion that Hadrian had 'appropriated' from the previous owners. Hedwig had randomly showed up one morning, carrying a large amount of letters. In revenge for having to carry so many letters, she dropped the lot on Harry's head. She was wary of and confused by Hadrian at first, at least until he spoiled her rotten with high quality treats and bacon. After that they were duo were almost inseparable. The letters proved to be back log from Harry's friends, demanding to know where he was and who adopted him. Apparently the wizarding world was going ballistic over the news. Hadrian found the whole thing amusing.

Hadrian told Harry to send a letter saying that he was adopted by a bastard son of his grandfather, an uncle he never knew he had. It would explain away Hadrian's looks as he did not intend to wear a glamour throughout his stay in this universe. As for his location, Harry was told to tell his friends that he was under several wards that prevent him from being found, which was partly true. Hadrian was actually using his death powers to prevent Harry from being found by anything other than safe mail.

Hadrian had gathered everything Harry would need for Hogwarts from Diagon Alley, saving them having to actually go there. Harry couldn't complin much as Hadrian was teaching him some advanced magic, as well as tutoring him in potions. Once it came time for Harry to leave on the Hogwarts Express, both had a good uncle-nephew relationship going and Harry had learned a great deal of spells that should make his year at Hogwarts safer. The Patronus Charm was one such spell which proved useful, as dementors decided to attack the express in an attempt to find Sirius Black. Black had escaped from Azkaban around the time Harry being adopted became public knowledge. Strangely, Sirius Black's body was found a few days after the school term began, bisected vertically by a cauterized wound, with the dementors being withdrawn back to Azkaban by the ministry.

Years passed by, not much information was found out about Hadrian. Dumbledore persistently tried to get Hadrian to join the Order and was miffed by Hadrian's refusal, until his untimely death during Harry's seventh year. Voldemort eventually regained a body, much later than in Hadrian's universe, but Hadrian had prevented the tri wizard tournament from going ahead in this one, saving Harry from having to face the Dark Tosser.

Over the years, Voldemort had tried to hunt down both Hadrian and Harry, failing at every turn. Not to mention the random and often hilariously outrageous deaths that had befallen his various Death Eaters. Malfoy, for example, had died by falling on a muggle landmine. No one knows how a landmine found it's way onto the Malfoy property, only that the result was very messy indeed.

Azkaban had been mysteriously destroyed during Harry's fourth year, shocking many wizard and witches as the whole event was recorded on monitoring charms. Gold streaks of light rained from a perfectly clear sky, only to blow the ancient fortress to smithereens, with many Death Eaters still within.

Voldemort, down all his Death Eaters, fell at the end of Harry's seventh year. Apparently Dementors have feelings and pissing them off is not a great way to endear yourself to them. Turns out that a dementor can only suck out complete souls and that a dementor's kiss will pull soul fragments, no matter how far or what protections are in place, back to the original soul. Voldemort's lifeless body was found during a raid at Riddle Manor. Dementors, apparently, aren't from this dimension and returned to their own shortly after performing the deed. Who knew!

Hadrian had spent most of the time dealing with little things about this universe, pushing events in the right direction from afar. Or in the case of the wizarding world, wiping out the Dork Lord and his followers. Hadrian was having oh so much fun on the side. Who knew that Diagon Alley looked fantastic when painted in neon pink, yellow and sky blue. Dragons, it seems, have a fondness for jazz music. Centaurs quite enjoyed alcohol and singing. House elves were apparently quite sophisticated when in private. They act the way they do around wizards for their own amusement.

Hadrian helped Harry in any way he could. Much of the mental issues from the abuse by the Dursleys was dealt with by Harry's fifth year. Hadrian loved Harry like a son. But Harry still liked to surprise him from time to time, much to his chagrin. Apparently Harry batted for the other team but Hadrian didn't find that out until he walked in on something he wished he hadn't.

~flashback~

One sunny summer afternoon, a few weeks before Harry's sixteenth birthday, Hadrian had just arrived home from setting up an event that hopefully will lead the muggles to the space age by the turn of the next century, as per planned. He strolled through the entrance hall of the manor, intent on throwing himself down on the couch and watching some crappy daytime tv. Hey, even godly beings need a break from time to time.

He glided through the open door to the living room not looking at anything until noises caught his attention. He looked at the couch he intended to lay on and did a double take, eyes wide with disbelief. He just never expected to see what he was seeing.

There was Harry….sitting in Ron Weasley's lap…..snogging the other guy senseless….sans clothing.

Hadrian slowly backed out of the room, making it beyond the door just as the heated kiss turned into something more, if the noises were anything to go by. Blinking, Hadrian decided to head to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

There he found Neville, Hermione and Luna getting it on. Who knew that Neville liked to be tied up. Hadrian certainly didn't. Giving up,Hadrian travelled to his ship to contact Death, only to have Death laugh at him. He pouted, Death laughed some more.

~End~

Once Hadrian returned to his senses, he teased Harry, Ron and the others non stop, and much to his amusement they blushed every time. Ron and Harry became the finest aurors in the DMLE after Hogwarts. Shortly after Harry's twenty fifth birthday, they both married. Apparently Hermione and Ginny forced them to.

Hadrian had been artificially aging himself for all his time in this universe to keep up appearances. Only Harry knew his true identity. Hadrian knew that he would eventually have to move on to the next big problem in this universe but he promised Harry that he would keep in touch.

* * *

The next big problem turned out to be, in Hadrian's opinion, quite an annoying and exasperating one. Vampires! Vampires and not the creature of the night, dissolve in the sun, garlic hating, fangy kind. No. Not them.

Sparkly! That is the only word to describe them properly. Sparkly abominations, as the Mad Eye Moody of this universe called them.

Broody! That's another word to describe them. They are always sulking or looking forlornly at something, in shady corners. No class, no elegance, no sophistication.

Unless they a ripping humans apart in a bloodthirsty fashion. How wasteful that is. All down to the lack of fangs.

Hadrian sicks up a little everytime he thinks of them. He has encountered many varieties of vampires in his time, but never has he encounter such brutes as these. You would think that an apex predator that hunts a sentient prey would be designed and capable of cleanly and silently getting what they need, no mess or fuss. Having a sentient race like humans being ripped apart is not conductive to a species that needs to survive off them, as humans tend to lash out at threats to their existence.

Hadrian decided, then and there, the first time he encountered one of these….things, that he would exterminate the lot of them. So, as of the 25th of July, 2005, Hadrian began to hunt these abominations down.

 **BREAKING NEWS**

 _People in Italy are in panic today, as an 6.2 magnitude earthquake shakes the Tuscany region, at 2100 hours local time._

 _Power and gas lines are reported out across the region with buildings down in Florence and Pisa. Hundreds are injured and no deaths have been reported, although casualties are expected._

 _The epicenter of the quake was triangulated by seismologists and all evidence points to the town of Volterra being right at the centre. The town itself has been completely leveled and fires rage across the ruins. Casualty reports are expected within the hour._

 _Eyewitnesses report seeing, 'flashes of golden light or orbs of lights, falling from the sky' and striking the town. This has not been officially confirmed as of yet._

 _Stay tuned for more details._

Hadrian, Harry and Ron, sat around watching the news broadcast. Ron had been clued in to Hadrian's identity on his and Harry's wedding day. To say he was shocked would be an understatement. It was even weirder when Hadrian assumed his 25 year old form, looking practically identical to Harry.

Now Ron and Harry were looking at Hadrian like he had lost the remainder of his limited supply of marbles, as he was cackling maniacally during the breaking news segment.

Harry cleared his throat, "Anything you wish to tell us?"

Hadrian wiped tears from his eyes, looked straight at Harry, and deadpanned,

"I wonder, did the Volturi like my present?"

"But, you caused an earthquake?" was Harry's exasperated response.

Hadrian became serious, "Yes. An unfortunate side effect I assure you. But I had to act quickly to wipe out the majority of the vampires while I had the chance. There was a meeting between five of the world's largest covens with the Volturi, ninety percent of the vampire population, all now gone for good. I had to act or the opportunity would have been missed."

Harry and Ron's eyebrows had risen the whole way to their hairlines during Hadrian's ramblings. Being Aurors, they knew the threat the vampires posed the wizarding world. To have ninety percent of them wiped out in a single attack, it made their life a whole lot easier.

"So the Volturi are gone?" Ron asked.

Hadrian smirked, "Indeed."

Ron just gave Harry a look and through silent agreement both retired to bed but not before Hadrian could call out to remind them to use silencing charms. Hadrian's maniacal cackling followed the two blushing men up the stairs.

A few weeks later, following one hell of a party for Harry's twenty fifth birthday, Hadrian was aboard his ship running a scan on the whole planet in an attempt to find the remaining vampires. Between the destruction of Volterra and now, Hadrian had hunted down and eliminated a grand total of forty six vampires. He knew for sure that there were at least a few dozen remaining, fifty at the most, and he had to cut them off before they begin to turn more people.

"Success!" Hadrian bellows out to no one in particular.

The sensors recorded three major 'pings', indicating the location of a group of vampires. Two were located in North America, Alaska and Washington respectively. The other was located in Brazil, within the heart of the Amazon rainforest. Hadrian grinned toothily at the display. He had vampires to hunt.

An hour later, Harry's ship hovered over the canopy of trees that made up the Amazon. He was busy running a sensor sweep to identify the number of vampires in the vicinity. Finding them clustered together within huts built within the branches of the trees, he cackled and launched a swarm of drones towards the target. Five minutes later and the vampire coven was destroyed. Two more groups remaining.

The coven in Alaska endured the same fate as the coven in Brazil. Hadrian's sensors and his own senses, were now telling him that the last remaining vampires in the world were located in Washington, near a town called Forks.

"Huh, Forks. Who names a town after cutlery, honestly? Well…..to each his own, I suppose," Hadrian mused to himself.

He guided his ship until it was hovering a hundred metres above the target location. Sixteen vampires and one human were detected within the house nestled within the woods. Hadrian was surprised at the post-modern style the house boasted. The vampire dwellings he had dealt with up until now were generally from of a much older time period, castles and manor houses mostly. He mulled over various ways he could do this. 'This' being the end of the vampires for good. Decision made, he prepared to confront these vampires, mostly because he was curious as to why there was a human amongst them and not being used as dinner.

* * *

"So none of you know what is actually going on?" Carlisle Cullen addressed the assembled group of vampires.

The Egyptian, Romanian and Irish covens had arrived a few days go, baring grave news and with unanswered questions. Carlisle was at his wits end, and that's saying something for the usually calm and collected vampire. He had no idea what was truly going on, just that the Volturi had been wiped out a few weeks ago and now he has news that vampires and entire covens have been disappearing left, right and centre, presumed destroyed.

The usually rambunctious Romanians were solemn and contemplative, which surprised Carlisle greatly, as the duo usually had witty jokes and puns ready for any scenario. The fact they weren't cracking any jokes was concerning.

Amun, leader of the Egyptian coven, had bore news that some of the smaller covens in Egypt and the middle east had all but disappeared.

Siobhán of the Irish Coven had reported that she had lost contact with two of the other, major irish covens and had immediately left with her coven to warn others.

"Alas, Carlisle, by the time we realized that something was happening, we were already traveling to warn you," Amun stated.

"A spy of ours reported the same thing that the human news is reporting. Golden orbs flying through the sky and destroying Volterra. The same has been reported elsewhere. We are completely in the dark," Vladimir offered up.

Carlisle sighed, a very human gesture and wondered, not for the first time, if it was possible for a vampire to get a migraine, because his head certainly felt like it was about to explode. He surveyed the room, fighting the urge to pinch the bridge of his nose, noticing Edward leaving to answer a phone call and his eyes landed on Alice.

"Alice, are you still not seeing anything?" he asked, begged almost.

She shook her head in a negative, "No, nothing. Whatever is blocking my visions is still going strong."

The usually bubbly Alice was incredibly subdued and cuddled into Jasper's side.

Suddenly, every vampire in the room, to the confusion of Bella Swan, straightened, stilled and looked towards where Edward had set off to answer his phone. Edward tore into the room, stopping before Carlisle his eyes belying his emotions.

"You all heard that?," Edward's voice was strained.

"What?," Bella asked, even as all the vampire in the room nodded the affirmative.

Carlisle turned to Bella, "Edward was just talking on the phone to Tanya from the Denali coven. Partway through, she paused speaking and loud explosions could be heard from her end. The phone call ended abruptly, shortly after."

"The Denali's are gone?" Esme asked with a gasp.

Edward nodded solemnly, "We can only assume."

A sudden, dark chuckle had every vampire in the room stiffen. Darkness filled the room and the vampires found they couldn't see or smell anything. Their hearing was reduced to human levels also. Carlisle paled as he heard several screams and saw muted flashes of red in his blinded peripheral vision. If he were still human, his heart would be hammering within his chest at this moment.

The darkness dissipated as fast as it had appeared. A scene like a bad horror movie greeted Carlisle. The three visiting covens had been torn to pieces, literally, the wounds cauterized. But that was secondary to Carlisle's attention.

A dark figure, dressed in all black, with glowing green orbs were the eyes should have been, stood stock still at the opposite end of the room to the Cullens. Somehow Bella Swan had ended up behind them, Carlisle cannot recall her moving position. A dark and foreboding presence filled the entire room. The being, Carlisle could not tell what this creature was, was staring straight at him. If he were human he would have been trembling with fear.

The being stared at the Cullens for a few minutes before tilting it's head in a considering gesture. The being spoke, it's voice booming around the room, causing the only human present to jump.

"Fascinating. You are different to the others."

Carlisle's eyebrow rose at the implications to that statement. Unfortunately, his coven, including his mate, did not seem to pick up the underlying message and context. Carlisle would have facepalmed, if he were not above such things, when Edward spoke out.

"Who are you? What are you? How did you get here? What do you mean different and to whom?" Edward ranting like a whiny teenager.

Carlisle assumed the beings eyebrows must be raised about now, if the being even has eyebrows, at the impertinence of Edward.

"Arrogance," the being mused, "Your impertinence amuses me, child."

Carlisle fought a smile at the look of outrage on Edward's face and the incredulousness of the situation. Before Edward could retort, the being continued on.

"You are an aberration, abominations. You should not exist, yet you do. If I had not acted, the human race would have been extinct by the end of the century. Yet, you are different. You do not prey on humans. But what to do with you?" the being mused to himself.

Everyone present was silent for a few moments before Carlisle, his curiosity winning, spoke up.

"What are you going to do?" Carlisle was resigned to the fact that this being was more powerful that anyone he has ever encountered and that any decision this being makes will happen, no matter his or anyone else's input.

The being stared Carlisle down. Carlisle felt as the being invaded his mind, every memory was brought up, analysed and considered. All this happened in the space of a few minutes. The being hummed as it thought. Carlisle released an unneeded breath. Edward was staring at the being in shock and awe, he had seen everything the being at looked at in Carlisle's mind.

Finally the being spoke, "This is what will happen…"

* * *

"That was irritating."

Death looked up at his unexpected visitor. Harry stood there in all his glory, looking annoyed.

"What was annoying?" Death asked.

Harry sighed and took a seat, "I managed to get that universe into some semblance of order. It is nowhere near fixed but I need to observe it for a century and see how it pans out. I'm taking a break for now."

Death raised an amused eyebrow at Harry. Harry sighed again and closed his eyes, feigning sleep.

* * *

 **That is another chapter done, a bit of pain to write.**

 **Notice: Those waiting for an update for 'A God Among Us?' will have to wait. My grandfather passed away and I am in no way capable of continuing to write.**


	4. Harry's Universe II

Harry's Universe (Part II)

25th of August 2008, 14:30 local time

Hadrian sat with a contented sigh on a dainty, overly decorated armchair he did _not_ appropriate from the Palace of Versailles, in the lounge of Trax Manor. It had been fifteen years since he came to this universe he now calls his own. Fifteen years since he started to correct or compensate for mistakes made by the previous caretaker. Finally, phase one was complete.

Hadrian sat up with another sigh, grumbling about incompetent beings, before summoning his desk from Death's realm. The victorian style, mahogany writing desk materialized out of a black vortex, existing as pure, smoking shadows. He sorted through the papers and scrolls on his desk before dumping those pertaining to phase one in a large cardboard box, which disappeared in a puff of black smoke.

He filled out some forms before sighing again as he read through the files regarding phase two. For those not in the know, phase one was the solution to all problems involving the wizarding world. Phase two, as Hadrian discovers (which isn't really a discovery as he wrote the different phase plans himself), involves the current local group of galaxies, the history and the ideal future of each. Hadrian sighs one last time, this was going to take a whole lot longer than planned.

'Well,' he thinks to himself, 'At least it won't be boring.'

* * *

Thor, Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet, stared at the display before him. Unblinking black eyes narrowed at the unknown signal his ship was detecting approaching the Ida Galaxy. If it was a ship, the technology within must rival the Ancients as the vessels hyperspace speed exceeds all current and theoretical Asgard designs. Thor dares to think that if the alien vessel wished, it would have been able to approach Ida without being detected. Muttering a few choice words under his breath in his native tongue, Thor plots a course to intercept. He hopes to arrive before the replicators take an interest in the vessel.

* * *

Hadrian, after much deliberation, decided on a name for his ship. He decided to call it the Thanatos, the greek name for Death. He had earned a very light, almost unnoticeable blush from Death when he had informed him of the fact. Hadrian was currently enroute to the Ida Galaxy, home to the Asgard, one of the Four Great Races. The Thanatos shot from hyperspace back into real space at the edge of the Ida Galaxy. He came to a full stop and waited. The Asgard were known for being punctual and low and behold, not a minute too soon, a massive hyperspace window opened a few hundred metres in front of the Thanatos. The asgard mothership that exited that hyperspace window caused both of Hadrian's eyebrows to raise. It was definitely a new take on the old Bilskirnir, the shiny white and light grey hull, stark against the starfield, a complete opposite to the matte grey and black hulls used previously. Scans showed that the asgard ship was a little more heavily armed then iterations from other universes. Of course, if you knew the history of the Asgard in this universe, you would understand why.

The Thanatos was dwarfed by the fourteen hundred metre long vessel, as it came alongside. Hadrian jumped into action as a hail came through. The image of the asgard that appeared gave Hadrian a momentary pause, the individual certainly looked a whole lot healthier than asgard from other universes.

"I am Thor, Supreme Commander of the Asgard Fleet. Unknown vessel, you have entered Asgard space. Identify yourself, respond please."

Hadrian noticed that Thor spoke in asgard and so chose to respond in ancient, just to see the look on Thor's face.

"I am Darth Hadrian Trax, of Midgard, Caretaker."

That got the reaction Hadrian wanted. Both of Thor's eyes widened comically. Before Thor could make any kind of response though, a klaxon began blaring on Thor's ship. The asgards eyes narrowed to slits and he cut communication. His ship performed a maneuver which should have been impossible for a ship of that size, and spun to face a newly forming hyperspace window. Two old Bilskirnir class motherships emerged from hyperspace, moving in to an attack formation. The ships were swarming with replicators according to Hadrian's scans.

Thor didn't even wait, his ship began firing off pulses of powerful ion weapons which hammered the replicator's shields. The battle was one sided though, as the replicator's shots weakened Thor's shields faster than Thor could their own. Hadrian decided it was time to intervene. The Thanatos, moving at a speed that should have been impossible, began firing.

Orange phaser beams streaked from multiple points on the Thanatos's hull, strafing the shields of the replicator infested ships. The shields didn't last long, collapsing within minutes. Just to mess with Thor, Hadrian decided to finish off the replicators with Ancient drone weapons. The golden drone weapons streamed from the drone bay of the Thanatos, splitting off into two swarms that headed towards both replicator ships, impacting the hulls at multiple points, tearing the vessels apart. The whole engagement lasted the grand total of five minutes. Hadrian sat back with a sigh, wiping non existing sweat from his brow.

'Now to hail Thor.'

The hologram of the asgard appeared again, this time with a hint of respect and suspicion in those black orbs.

"Well met Thor. Perhaps a meeting with your people's high council is in order hmm.."

Thor blinked once before cutting the communication short, locking the Thanatos in a tractor beam and shooting off into hyperspace towards the asgard homeworld.

* * *

When Hadrian awoke his first thought was 'Ow, my head', shortly followed by his second thought 'The Asgard certainly know how to brew their alcohol'. His third thought was 'Who is that behind me and who is in front of me'. His fourth thought was 'Why am I naked!'

Hadrian sat bolt upright, the room a spinning blur from his point of view. He quickly set his magic to work of the surprisingly potent hangover, a result of the equally potent asgardian alcohol. He soon realized he was within a mass of naked bodies. He was sandwiched between a human male and female, both looking around the same age as Hadrian's body, the woman was cuddled up to his chest, while the man had his arm draped over Hadrian's waist. Hadrian didn't need the aches in various parts of his body to tell him what the previous nights activities consisted of.

He carefully removed himself from the sleeping duo, carefully stepping over other individuals in the mass of bodies. Some were asgard, some human, some looked to be of the nox and few were as of yet unidentified races.

'Huh, I think that is one more item off my bucket list'

Hadrian chuckled lightly as his senses came back to him, his magic clearing away the hangover. He used said magic to cleanse his body of dried sweat and other unidentifiable fluids with a mild shudder, before he conjured clothing for himself. Once dressed, he observed the room, trying his damnedest to remember why he was partying last night.

He gave a shark like grin when he remembered why, he had helped the Asgard defeat the replicators and solve their cloning problem. Hadrian blushed slightly as he remembered how enthusiastic the Asgard were at regaining the ability to copulate again.

'Who knew the Asgard used to be so well endowed?'

* * *

Apparently Ba'al was the Supreme System Lord. Okay. Hadrian, now going by Harry again, decided on a course of action. He would terrorize the Goa'uld…...with pranks. Very soon, the Jaffa feared him, refusing to serve the Goa'uld any longer. Your trusty staff weapon being turned into a vibrantly coloured phallic shaped object would do that to anyone after a while. Said object getting a little too familiar was just harmless fun. What? It was.

The goa'uld had no idea how to react to the reign of terror. All organisation collapsed within a month. System lord meetings could no longer be held in person as helium somehow found itself mixed into the room. No self respecting false god shall have a squeaky voice. The goa'uld soon offed themselves with all the shenanigans going on. Being targets of some rather painful pranks was not a reason for that outcome, no sir.

Soon the Free Jaffa Nation had arisen, with all jaffa having a fearful reverence for phallic shaped objects. Apparently seeing your god and his first prime being publicly spanked for being very naughty by said objects would do that to you. Especially if said objects talked.

The Goa'uld empire had fallen and the Asgard had expanded into the galaxy, making contact with the Nox to re-establish the alliance.

Harry considered that a job well done, for now at least.

* * *

"You had fun?" Death asked looking up from his paperwork.

"Yep. It is stable for the moment with no indication of it suddenly popping out of existence," Harry answered from his place sprawled across a couch in Death's office.

"So what are you up to now?"

"Hmmm," Harry looked up at death from where he was fiddling with a small knick knack, he shook his shoulders, "I don't know. Did you have an idea?"

Harry smiled devilishly at Death, earning a raised eyebrow a slowly growing smirk.

* * *

 **Authors Note:**

 **Well, here is a little something humorous anyway. For those wondering about A God Among Us? fear not it is not dead, just a little writers block. The current chapter is in the works, I'm just unsure of how I want the story to continue, what elements I want coming out. We are at the part of the story that Seshat and Michael's little interference's are having a butterfly affect on events and characters beyond their control. I am aiming to have the next chapter done by September 1st, although that is not a promise, as I am toying with the idea of revising the story as it is and changing things, alas the problems of an author not thinking their work is done or good enough.**

 **Authors Note Addendum:**

 **Can I just take a moment to curse auto-correct. 'Takes a calming breath' Okay then...auto-correct...CRUCIO! How dare you correct something so the sentence doesn't make sense.**


End file.
